


Bittersweet in butterflies

by X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X



Series: Vent fics lololol relatable? Idk [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Anxiety, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29236047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X/pseuds/X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X
Summary: Idfk lmao sobs
Series: Vent fics lololol relatable? Idk [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146770





	Bittersweet in butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Fml bye

The summer is beautiful. Dragonflies, butterflies, ladybugs, fireflies and insects that I had plans to look for, capture and nurture. I had plans with you, with everyone. I wanted to laugh more, play more, I wanted to do everything with you that summer.  
Yet you suddenly disappear, vanishing from sight and I wake up in cold sweat. You were there, you were there and sleeping so peacefully. It was then I realized you won't be here forever. You will eventually leave me behind, all of you will leave me and have plans for your future while I will be having to manage everything by myself. Making me have to decide things on my own without your guidance and soothing words. If you had told me that things would change, would I have believed you then? Everything you did, I followed behind. You were my leader, I was the follower. One day I never thought I would ever have to hold the role of leader. How could I lead you all in the right direction? How could I know the best decision to make? Would things work out? My anxiety is a flurry of emotions and endless questions with no answers.  
I can never hold the role as model, I can't be perfect. Nothing I say or do will ever be perfect and up to your expectations. I didn't get to apologize then, but I still have my "what ifs" or my doubts. I have, however, no doubt you will leave me someday because of my imperfections.  
When will I get to see your smile? Hear your laughs? These thoughts echo in my mind like a loud ball slamming on a gym floor but all I can do is tune out the noises and flood out the insults yet I still have a bitter taste in my mouth and a burning in my eyes.  
I run away, afraid of being seen, somehow though, you're there with me. You still stay after everything I have done and said. Why won't you get the hint? You will not forgive me if you hear the truth. You look at me with flushed cheeks as I feel a burning pain in my throat and my rapid heartbeat.  
I can't understand a word, all I can hear is the racing of my heartbeat. It hurts. It hurts so bad, yet you don't run away. You don't hurt me, you hug me and tell me it will be alright.  
My bones feel like jello, I fall to the ground, holding you like a lifeline and cry my eyes out. You don't tell me to stop, you don't yell at me to shut up, you rub soothing circles into my back and keep whispering words. Though my sentences are incoherent, you listen to my wretched screams and woes. My hair flows yet I want to chop it all off. My legs are sore yet I want to run faster and farther.  
I say how I feel. My feelings are everywhere, a mix of sadness, anger, fears and disappointment. My heart hurts. Does yours? I would bend myself in two for you. Would you do the same? I would hold my breath until I couldn't breathe anymore. Would you? My questions stay in my tightly closed throat where, as well as all my emotions, reside. "Would you like to catch the butterflies with me one last time?" Was what you asked me that fateful day. I smile bitterly, "Of course."


End file.
